im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
