I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
