everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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