maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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