OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
