But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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