That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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