I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
