omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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