He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
