Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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