I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
