i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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