I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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