No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
