i already hear my dad disowning me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
