We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
