He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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