There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
