For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize