i think i have herpe
just one?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
