Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
