he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
