why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
