thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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