Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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