in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize