I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
birth control should be required to get into college
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
