He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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