There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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