last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
