You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize