currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize