Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pray to the hookup gods
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
