every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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