Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
