Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
