And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
