I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
