and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
