yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
