My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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