kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
