i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
