He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
