i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize