i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
