It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
