Can i not drive my cunt home
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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