you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just found puke in my bra..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
