How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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