he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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