Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
