...so i touched it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
