she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
