yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
