in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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