just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
