I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize