If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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