Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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