Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize