So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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