I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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