the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
