i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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