i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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