my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Alive.
So much puke
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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