I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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