**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
