They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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